Maybe I’m just being too serious about stuff, but have you ever had those moments where you reflect on your gaming hobby and wonder if you’re wasting your time and possibly whole swaths of your life?
I had a few gaming-related projects lately that could have turned out really cool and that frankly I think would have been perfect for, but in the last two weeks every single one of them has been summarily declined. I suppose I’m having a pity party, but .. what am I doing with my life? I mean, I do other things aside from games but I also spend quite a bit of time reading about games, playing games, writing blog posts and making podcasts about games, and of course gently guiding a Gaming Community.
And so what? Writing 700 words on why I liked attunements is pretty useless and overindulgent in the larger picture of things. I’m not going to have an effect on the “gaming community”, whatever the hell that means now, much less find a cure for cancer or something. At best I occasionally write things that might make someone stop and think about social issues, but my readership is generally already aware of this stuff. I’m preachin’ to the choir. I just drop blog posts into the well 3 times a week and try to not think about it too much.
I dunno, folks. I’m not a pundit or someone who has the slightest idea what the game industry is really like. I’m just an old broad who plays a lot of video games. I’m sure I’ll get over it, but today deciding to maintain the hobby that I do in the way that I do seems pretty stupid.
Herding Cats is the blog of Liore, known in the real world as Jessica Cook. She writes mostly about MMOs and RPGs, and believes in 
So what’s better, gardening? At least with a gaming hobby you don’t get dirt under your fingernails, and you aren’t forced to pray for rain.
Thanks Liore, I enjoy the things that you write, and I enjoy the site that you provide and, “Gently guide.” So far I haven’t made any life changing friendships there, but from what I’ve seen I would wager that other people have. All in all, not a bad way to spend some free time :)
I went over a similar “crisis” recently as well. Sometimes, gaming seems like too much of a mindless pleasure, and that is specially threatening to some people who aspire for something else, something more. When I read J. Stuart Mill’s “Utilitarianism” (http://www.utilitarianism.com/mill2.htm, check the paragraphs on pleasure), I felt that guilt shake my foundations. Suddenly, I was not cultivating the mind through the higher pleasures that Mill championed. My hobby was stupid.
Then, after that initial phase of overreaction, getting away from the computer as much as I could, I recalled that everything is good in moderation. That if I find something pleasurable and I take it in an appropriate dose, it’s not despicable at all, specially in the case of games which give me something in return: roleplaying anecdotes, a little bit of relaxation after a hard day, some online friends with whom I can talk about anything. Moderation is key. Do not feel guilt about something that really is not hurting you at all.
I am sure you can make do without games, anybody could, but why the necessity? All we need is a bit of distance. Setting some boundaries sometimes. Maybe only connect for X hours or after having done Y? Anything done in excess is dangerous to our mental health, so do not blame it on games, just on an excess of passion :). I have that problem too, specially when I get my hands on a new RPG and I want to pluck out the story! I’m still trying to set my own boundaries myself, finding a way to feel okay about my play sessions. Not so easy with MMOs, since there is always something you *must* do. Still, it can be done, I believe.
I remember your post about the GM burdens – did you leave that role? It surely consumes you more than you should allow yourself, and that might impact in the way you view your hobby now. Your hobby is not stupid, it’s as any other hobby, with its good and bad points. With this one, you partake in epic stories, socialize with people from all over the world, and also challenge yourself to think more deeply about the way you play (that is congenital to blogging).
Take care, and I hope that you will be fine.
Milady´s last post: [MMO] Attunements, elitism and the MMO dream
It’s always the people, ma’am. If anything else matters when you’re in the dirt, I haven’t found it. Chase money in your “free” time if you like, but you can’t take it with you, and unless you’re building a dynasty CKII-style then all you’ve ever got to your credit is influence and impact you’ve had on the people around you while you’re around.
If that thought motivates you to open/run/volunteer at a soup kitchen or a hotline, go for it. But if it doesn’t, or if you find you can’t fill all yours hours with it, consider a hobby. If it changes lives and helps people construct meaning in the morass of existential post-modern-living nonsense, then pat yourself on the back, whether you’ve founded the BronyCon or a stamp-collecting seniors group. I think your gaming group qualifies, and you know very well my life is quite different because of it.
All of that aside, I would add that countering a mainstream culture is hard. I will not forget the moment I realized that I could not step outside of patriarchy, no matter how theoretical I was. Your projects are exciting and innovative, but they probably won’t be terribly popular a lot of the time. Getting stamped by a system and getting back up again is a really hard gig, and I don’t blame anyone who walks away from it. On the other hand, going to the forest where there are bears real bears is a rough gig, and as far as I know the only other option.
Milady said it completely best.
Not long ago I started to feel some of the burn from focusing too much on my games. A big part of our problem is we don’t have a lot of disposable income, so games become the one thing I already have a closet full of and it’s very easy for me to get too mired in it. I feel your pain.
However, summer came and we’ve just been getting out a lot more than usual. It’s been refreshing. That moderation bit mentioned above? I realized I was over indulging.
As for games being useless or without ambition or as not a “higher pleasure” …I can see how any of us arrive there. But really, there’s a lot of stupid games out there and I do believe one can become a bit dumber for having played them. Avid gamers like us have probably be over exposed to really dumb shit lately :) Too much of it! The truth is, games (if we ever see designers and developers emerge who have real passion for their potential) are the future. I don’t think I’ll ever not think that. Sure, lots of software companies, projects, and organizations are out there exploring the frontiers of technology, but not in the deeply social ways games do. Its a huge reason I find the trend in the MMO genre toward “solo” gameplay as regressive. Games bring people to technology and they do it with imagination, creativity …things people yearn for, want to experience, and long to do so in a safe environment with little consequence. This only exists in technology for games. Games are important. But I could proselytize about games all day :)
Keep your head up, Liore. We love your place here and I personally like being a teeny part of it. Here. Have this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sea_otters_holding_hands.jpg
I dare you to resist smiling and feeling better after that!
Blog for yourself not us, otherwise you’ll find it a thankless task.
Gobble gobble.
PS Chin up! I like what your write.
Nothing that makes you happy is ‘stupid’. If something you once enjoyed becomes a burden to you, then of course cutting back a bit is needed, but don’t ever write off something you enjoy as being a ‘waste of time’. Life’s too short to spend time guilting over whether or not you’re having fun doing the ‘wrong’ thing.
Games, and MMOs, have always been an important part of my life and I value the people I’ve met and the experiences I’ve had through them, and I enjoy reading your blog and many others so don’t feel it’s all a waste!
Pai´s last post: [The MMO Messiah]
Hmmmm….I think you just need a hot chocolate. I’d make you one if I could :)
I have very little time to spend on anything game-related right now, so I’m sorta at the other end of the spectrum. and let me tell you, I miss games, playing, reading and writing more about them. it’s not like I am now this twice productive or creative person because less time is spent on my hobby; au contraire, I am just tired and uninspired after work. there’s never been anything mindless, stupid or useless about my gametime or other things I love doing. they’ve engaged me intellectually, they are my muses, they’ve lead me to meet some wonderful people, just to name three gifts.
as for changing anything of consequence….if that was any criteria to validate the things we are doing over the course of a lifetime, we might as well stop existing. making the most out of one’s time means, in my case, to enjoy as much as I can. and as long as you can say that about your gaming hobby IMO you are just fine! /hugs
Syl´s last post: To BWE or not to BWE
Thank you, everyone, for all the thoughtful comments. You’ve given me a lot to think about. At the end of the day.. I love games! I like to argue about them. I love the folks I’ve met either in the guild or here on the blog because of games (folks like YOU). I am going to think about other activities that can help meet my concerns about .. doing something that enriches the soul (even if it’s of a very tiny consequence), but that’s no reason to give up a hobby I very much enjoy on most days.
This post wasn’t intended to solicit compliments, but thank you for those anyway. Mr. Turkey is absolutely correct that we all need to write for ourselves and not our potential audience, but it is still sincerely touching to know that other people enjoy this blog too. :)
I think every intelligent person goes through this at some point. We take a long, hard look at our lives and worry we aren’t measuring up to some abstract potential. “I could be curing cancer, and instead I do X.” where X is something that society feels is trivial: gaming, watching TV, taking care of pets, whatever.
When that mood strikes me, I remember that not everyone gets to cure cancer. I do a lot of other little things that i think improve the world. I have friends who confide in me. I’ve helped people I don’t even know with problems in their lives. I like to think I give people insight into a hobby they really enjoy. I try to make a difference to the people around me and those I interact with online, even if history may not remember me as the person who did some tremendous thing like curing cancer.
As far as gaming goes, I think the important thing is to remember that you can’t work all the time. Another blogger who loves RPGs tried to “give them up” because he felt he could work harder to provide better for his family. But, he realized that RPGs gave his creativity and imagination an outlet it sorely needed that he didn’t have in the rest of his life. I suspect that gaming does the same for a lot of people here.
And, I certainly do enjoy reading this blog, even if I’ve fallen a bit behind. :)
Brian ‘Psychochild’ Green´s last post: You can copy the steps and still not copy the success
Uh, dunno if you’ll see this comment, your post is a few months old now, but you’re not just preaching to the choir. I hadn’t heard of you or your blog until a couple of hours ago. And I get where you’re coming from, my level 56 troll isn’t going to change the world, but time spent doing something you enjoy is time well spent.
Finally, you’ll never really know the whole effect you had on the world. Think of all the views any given post on your blog that don’t correlate with a comment. Your writing could have effected countless people, even if you never find out about it. So, keep writing? Please?