I haven’t published much here lately, despite having a drafts section filled with half-written posts and random thoughts. I’m having a difficult time finding the motivation to complete a post.
Like, it’s the end of the year and usually I have a ton of lists right now with my favorite movies and games and stuff, and I’ve thought about doing it this year but I just keep bumping off the same result: what’s the point? The world is super shitty in many places right now, including my home. Does it really matter if I thought 10 Cloverfield Lane was pretty great? Do I even care enough to tell you? Hey everyone, stop for a moment being shot and poisoned by your water supply and having your right to exist being legislated away so I can tell you what a great job Karen Kusama does directing The Invitation.
Austin Walker, the EiC of the new games outlet Waypoint, had a nice essay about this malaise back in November. I agree with a lot of his hopeful and optimistic points, but I also think not a lot of it applies to the wee hobbyist blogger. And as a woman who was having opinions about games on the internet two or three years ago, this year has just felt like an endorsement of terrifying bullshit.
Which leads me to another part of my problem — one of the reasons I used to blog was because I generally liked people, and enjoyed reaching out to them. Meeting people from the internet was my bag, man, even if it was never in person. Currently, though.. I no longer like people by default. I distrust them. There is a not insignificant chance that any random person reading this would cheerfully vote to send some of my friends and loved ones to an internment camp. In some cases, they already have. I don’t know how to come back from that, to return to a place where we can all just be yay pop culture also please stop wondering on CNN if my husband is a person but hey how about that new Final Fantasy??
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still watching movies, and playing games. I’m also spending time with family and baking a lot of cookies and getting involved with the local city council election. It’s just that for me, talking about pop culture stuff right now doesn’t matter, whether I’m writing the hot takes or reading them. It all just feels like the band playing while the ship goes down.
I miss blogging and I’m constantly composing posts in my head, the same way I’ve been doing for most of my life, but right now the will to actually sit down and write and edit and publish and promote just isn’t there. I hope the world in 2017 returns to a place where I feel okay spending time and energy on things like griping about MMO payment models and writing reviews of awful teen supernatural movies, but at the moment it doesn’t look great.