We’re recording the spoiler episode for Bioshock Infinite on Sunday! Tell us what you thought of the ending at (347) 565-4673, @liores on Twitter, or podcast@lioreblog.com

———————-

When I’m not playing games I’m watching scary movies. Occasionally I’m going to post about them too.

In retrospect Hemlock Grove was doomed in my eyes from the start.

The 13-episode miniseries is the first Netflix Original production to be released after the stunning House of Cards, and although not every production can star Kevin Spacey as a political sociopath (much to my dismay) I was expecting something of a similar calibre. To be fair, that’s an incredibly hard act to follow.

The other reason I was expecting more than Hemlock Grove delivers is not the show’s fault, per se. Last weekend I was in Las Vegas, and across the street from my hotel room window was a gigantic screen that advertised the show every 15 minutes or so. After a weekend of three-story-tall letters shouting at me about the Terrifying! Chilling! Exciting! Hemlock Grove! by Eli Roth! I figured I should at least check it out.

Hemlock Grove has been misleadingly labelled as a horror series, when in fact it’s more of a murder mystery with 3-4 moments of extreme gore.

The show quite obviously wants to be Twin Peaks for the Twilight set, but it has none of David Lynch’s menacing style and characters come off as inconsistent rather than quirky. The acting is awkward, to say the least. There are many scenes where Famke Janssen (as mysterious matriarch Olivia Godfrey) poorly affects a British accent in conversation with Bill Skarsgård (as her son Roman Godfrey) while he poorly affects an American accent. I was left more fascinated by the fate of their vowels than anything the characters were saying.

All this would be excusable if the writing wasn’t utter shit. It’s bad, you guys. Really, really bad. At least twice I noticed sentences with the wrong verb tense, and it wasn’t on purpose. The AV Club review lists some of the worst bits of dialogue, which include “People see Peter as just a flying piece of paper they can put everything they’re afraid of on.”, and the painfully phrased “I believe I’ve accepted I’ve fallen victim to collective hysteria.”. (What?)

Weirdly enough, early on the show does have one of the best human-to-wolf transformation scenes I’ve ever seen. So, um, props to the special effects folks, I guess.

Popular media is already filled to the brim with werewolf/vampire hijinks, and I’m not really sure what Hemlock Grove thought it was bringing to the table. It’s too “kinky” for the teen girl crowd, but falls well short of the over-the-top exploitation of True Blood. At least True Blood is gleeful! Hemlock Grove is painfully unfun, and the actors are stuck gloomily plodding through ludicrous scenes. (At one point Roman Godfrey has to cook a lot of bacon for reasons that were really never properly explained. Moodily. MOODY BACON.)

I’d love to see Netflix invest in some good genre/horror material but despite the 3-story tall advertising campaign Hemlock Grove is not it.

I don’t know how I missed this when it came out, but back in February The Wall Street Journal posted an article that exposed a dark secret of the gaming community: apparently people over 30 play video games. And they sometimes band together in groups or “guilds” that are oriented towards older players! Did I just blow your mind?

Okay okay, so The Wall Street Journal is not exactly a bastion of game reporting, but the article is pretty hilarious for those who actually pay attention to this sort of thing. Older people play games? Sometimes competitively? And they think games were harder in their youth? JOURNALISM.

In honor of this enjoyably silly article, I have compiled a brief list of the best and worst things about being an older gamer. Have a good weekend!

—-

Great Things About Being a Gamer Over 30

1. More Money!
In college I would pirate games in between drinking crappy no-name vodka from plastic bottles and eating ramen. Aside from the legality, pirating games was always a huge pain in the butt. You had to find the filez (with a z, because we were serious business!), download them at an extremely slow rate, install the games which almost always wouldn’t work with your video card, and then probably find a crack.

Now that I have a steady income, particularly in a creative field, I’m more than happy to pay the people who make entertainment I enjoy. (And thanks to digital distribution I don’t even have to put on pants to do it.)

2. Less Namecalling!
Okay, so this point is kind of debatable, but in general I think older people are more likely to have life experiences and a sense of perspective that reduces the chance of them shouting slurs over XBox Live. Maybe? Hopefully. See this Oatmeal comic on gaming for details.

3. We Witnessed the Birth of Modern Gaming!
The 30+ crowd has been around for a lot of the high water marks in gaming. Do you remember when that kid in your neightborhood got a Nintendo? Or the death of your local arcade? Did your jaw drop when playing Quake for the first time and you realized that enemies could be above you and not just to the left and right? Kids can go back and play the classics, but it’s not the same as living through them. Home gaming is still a young industry, and it’s been pretty neat to see it grow along with us.

Also, clearly everything we loved in our youth is far superior to whatever twaddle you young people like now.

Sad Things About Being a Gamer Over 30

1. Reflexes
Our reflexes generally peak around age 24, and get worse every year after that. In my late 30s, I am probably never going to become a Starcraft champion. (Or a ballerina.)

2. Kids on our Lawns
Get offa there! *shakes broom*

Today’s post is written by Ellyndrial from the Cat Context Podcast and ThatAngryDwarf.
————

I’ve written before about my dislike of the current state of monetization in games (and I’m sure there are some F2P rants floating around – if not on my blog, then at least in my friends’ ears, or on the podcast), but today’s topic is something that is a little bit trickier. It’s an area that is a little tricky because it seems like something that is beneficial to us, as gamers. But… is it? Is it really? Let’s start with a story.

Recently, I actually went to an honest-to-god brick-and-mortar store to pick up a copy of Bioshock Infinite (because I decided I wanted to play it that night, and didn’t want to wait for Amazon to deliver it – I’m only human!). While I was at this unnamed Stop on my drive that sells Games, the dude behind the counter tried to sell me the season pass. For only another $20, I could get all this TOTALLY SWEET CONTENT (that nobody knows about or has seen, yet), and by god, that content would be worth ALMOST THIRTY WHOLE DOLLARS. That’s like, a huge savings (note: it’s not)! For content that was almost certainly planned out well in advance of the game’s release, but then not included with the game itself. Or, in some cases – ME3, I’m looking at you SO HARD – it is included, right there on the disc. Just, you know, behind a handy-dandy paywall.

So, DLC. Everyone likes it, right? It takes a game that you like and makes it better! It adds new maps, and new… whatevers… hooray! And all it costs is a few dollars! So it seems like an easy purchase. But is it really making the game better? Or is it just a bunch of bullshit filler that replaces something that we always used to get (complete games and/or sizable expansions) with something that is cheaper to produce, bad for us, and tastes worse? (But is more profitable!) Obviously, I think it’s the latter. At least in the general sense.

And that’s how we generally see high fructose corn syrup as a food additive – an cheap way to sweeten things (that very often shouldn’t be sweetened) so that they “taste good”, but contain as few actual nutrients as required by law. That way, we can all continue to gobble up their delicious, delicious shit while our bodies fail to react to the overwhelming amount of easily digestible sugars and then we get fat and die. Except it’s all good because we saved a few dollars on our grocery bill and some farming megacorps earned a few extra percentage points of profit. I’m sure the good folks over at SweetSurprise.com would have some TOTALLY UNBIASED facts, but I trust their version of the story almost as much as I believe EA when it tells me most people actually totally love freemium games. Which, one can surmise, is not very much.

“But, Mr. Dwarf! What if I like getting new content for games I enjoy?”

Well so do I, honestly. There are a lot of games that I come back to again and again. There are a lot of games that I buy DLC (and even Season Passes) for. And there are other games that I wish had been longer and/or explored additional story points. I don’t even necessarily want this sort of thing to go away. But as it becomes the norm, I find myself asking why it has to exist for every single game.

Because the problem is that DLC is inherently exploitative. The pricing structure leverages what psychologists call the Foot-in-the-door technique – a process by which one person asks another for something small and safe at first, subsequently ratcheting up the level of commitment required. We’ve probably all experienced this in one form or another. “Hey, can you help me out with this quest? … Oh, there’s this other thing I need to do, can you stay for that, too? … How about running an instance or two?” Selling you on the initial game ends up being as much about getting you to commit to all the up-sales and DLCs that come out over the next year as they are about the game itself.

This, then, changes the underlying value proposition of any purchase. When you buy a game that is known to have DLC coming out (and, let’s be honest, most games these days do), it is incredibly hard to actually know what the “real” price of the game is going to be. When I decide that I want to buy Bioshock Infinite, am I going to be spending the $60 on the box? Or am I immediately – possibly before I even finish paying – going to be asked to spend $80? Or warned that – hey, you might miss out and have to pay $90! And what does that Season Pass even cover? In the case of Borderlands 2, the Season Pass doesn’t even cover all of the DLC. It nominally covers the 4 “campaign” DLCs, but then it also included the recent Ultimate Vault Hunter (playthrough 3) DLC – but it excludes both additional characters and a ton of random cosmetic options. How much do I have to pay if I just want the whole game? Is buying the “whole” game even a notion that exists, anymore?

Now, if DLC is attached to a “normal” price-worthy game, but that game is sold at a discount (say, $40 plus a $20 Season Pass), then this tactic would still be tricksy. But at least, once we fell for it, we’d have ended up paying what we expected for the game based on market standards. And, honestly, if publishers really think their game is worth an $80 or $90 or $100 price tag, why not ask me for that much money up-front? At least that way, I can make the decision on whether I agree with that assessment or not.

And that’s really my issue, in the end. When we buy a game, what are we getting? Are we getting the complete game, the way it is intended to be played? Or are we just getting a game-like product, cheapened by the intentional exclusion of nutritional content, created this way just to save some money and/or sell it back to us at an undisclosed date for an undisclosed price?

Also, why the hell does my yogurt have so much corn in it?

Note: For more on pricing strategies and other psychological phenomena as they relate to gaming, I highly recommend following The Psychology of Video Games. See, specifically this post and this post.

Don’t Starve by Klei Entertainment is currently out in a very playable beta, and after trying the Chrome app sample I picked it up on Steam. I described the game on the podcast as “Minecraft meets Diablo”, which upon reflection isn’t quite right. It’s more like.. Minecraft meets a roguelike.

The goal of Don’t Starve is to not starve. Or drown. Or be poisoned by mushrooms or lit on fire or eaten by spiders or.. let’s just call it staying alive. In his “WTF Is…” video Total Biscuit called it a “survival-craft” title and as much as I hate cutesy portmanteaus it seems pretty apt. In your first game you’ll play as Wilson, a Gentleman Scientist who wakes up on the surface of a strange and harsh land. (You unlock other characters later as a type of achievement.)

As with Minecraft, it’s a good idea to start stuffing your pockets with whatever you can pick up on the first day. Some of those things can be combined to make an axe, which chops down a tree, which.. well, you know how it goes. As with a roguelike, though, death is permanent. When you die, that’s it for this particular version of your world and this particular Wilson. You can always start a new game, but then you’re back to Day 1.

This extreme death penalty certainly makes the game more difficult, which is fine with me. It’s nice to have a survival-craft game with a strong emphasis on the “survival” part. It’s also a great way to pace how fast you learn about the game world.

Much of the charm of Don’t Starve is that you never know what will be around the corner. Maybe it’s just more trees, but often it’s a weird plant you haven’t encountered before, or a strange sacrificial altar, or a named item lying on the ground for some unknown purpose. The threat of perma-death, though, adds gravitas to your decisions and makes you less likely to try new things, particularly the further you get into a playthrough. If I don’t know what a Mandrake does when eaten, I am likely to not bother trying.

Ooooooh… I gotta go.

This helps maintain the element of surprise and the sense of being in a hostile world long after you’ve started multiple games.

The downside of the death penalty is conservatism in gameplay. I’m often a big fan of compulsively clicking on everything in games thanks to the magic of checkpoints or quicksaves, which is a path to a quick painful death in Don’t Starve. Instead, my Wilson now errs on the side of clicking on nothing or at least nothing out of the ordinary. In a game that relies upon learning on the fly and trying different ways to use and combine your inventory, I’m kind of scared of innovation.

Maybe I’m just too afraid of dying and should be more willing to muck up and start over. If there was permanent death in Minecraft I’d probably never explore anything, but I’m timid that way. I know a good friend has dedicated some of his five game slots to just trying everything with the expectation that those Wilsons will live lives that are nasty, brutish, and short.

This all being said, Don’t Starve is really well made and great fun if you like sandbox survival games. I don’t think it would be any more fun with a more lenient death penalty, but it’s interesting how the game is based on discovery (more so than, say, FTL) while actively discouraging it. I may never see some of the developed content simply because I’m leery of being lit on fire. It means the game is much more difficult and will last through many more playthroughs for me though, so I suppose the trade-off is worth it.

—

I made a video of the first two in-game days of Don’t Starve!

It’s Friday! Less than a week until my vacation! Let’s look at random fun things!

(Speaking of vacation, I’m looking to get a couple of guest posts here while I’m away. Everyone is welcome, but I’d particularly love to give the stage over to some new or smaller bloggers. If you’re interested send an email to liore@lioreblog.com!)

Psy’s newest single was released today! (I am a legit Psy fan — he is a neat dude.) The first time I listened to it I wasn’t sure how much I liked it. The second time I decided I did like it but it wasn’t that catchy. Maybe give it another spin? So anyway, by the 10th or 15th listen or so I realized it was probably more catchy than I initially thought.

While you’re listening to that, why not read some links?

• Wilhelm at Ancient Gaming Noob wonders why Storm Legion hasn’t really stuck with him. I have to admit I hit 60 (the new level cap) and have barely logged on since then. I loved RIFT so much leading up to the expansion, and I can’t quite figure out what happened.
• Syl has a new URL and a new podcast! She’s part of the Battle Bards podcast, which talks about all your favorite music from all your favorite games. Have a listen!
• Brainy Gamer writes a great spoiler-free post on whether the shooter genre has anywhere to go after Bioshock Infinite.
• Erik Kain, a games journalist over at Forbes, writes briefly about the bizarre new addition to the Far Cry franchise, Blood Dragon.

And after you’ve read that, you might like these YouTube videos:

• This “retsupurae” video had me laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. The sloooow zooom!
• Don’t Starve can be confusing for newbies, so maybe try watching some of this playthrough by Yogscast’s Sips.
• This has NOTHING to do with games, but it is a trailer for the upcoming movie “Lil Bub and Friendz” about our current internet-cat loving culture.

Have a great weekend, folks! :)

This week on Cat Context we talk about the launch of action MMO Defiance, realize that it’s tough to discuss Bioshock Infinite without giving away story spoilers, and argue over the entertainment quality of the Dead or Alive movie.

Defiance launched on April 2 with the associated television show to come soon. Elly has been enjoying the game, and wants everyone else to like it too. Meanwhile, Liore and Aro have been playing Bioshock Infinite and while both appreciate the technical aspects apparently we had totally different conclusions about the plot. We don’t want to give away any spoilers though, so mostly we talk about how much we’d like to talk about it. Also this week in Games on Film we watch DOA: Dead or Alive, and unsurprisingly argue over whether it’s any good or not.

Also, Aro plays Saints Row 3 with a toddler! Elly seriously cannot stop Borderlands 2! Liore dies a lot in Don’t Starve!

As always Liore is joined by the most excellent Arolaide and Ellyndrial. This week’s movie suggestion was mostly from J3w3l — thanks! Folks can email us at podcast@lioreblog.com, tweet @Liores, or call our voice mail at (347) 565-4673.

And don’t forget that we’ll be LIVE in two weeks for the Cat Context birthday podcast!

It would be downright awesome if you gave us a vote on iTunes. :)

* Our Twitch TV channel
* DOA: Dead or Alive movie for free on YouTube
* The website for iOS game Flower Pot
* The trailer for SyFy’s Defiance
* Free Music Archive page for the birthday ad,Surfing With My 2 Little Brothers by Party People in a Can
* Free Music Archive page for our theme, in THE crowd by The Years

——————————
SUBSCRIBE TO THE RSS || SUBSCRIBE TO iTUNES || LISTEN ON STITCHER

(Don’t forget to leave 5 stars!)

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Dear Internet,

EA was just voted the Worst Company in America by readers of the Consumerist for the second year in a row, and that sound you hear is me rolling my eyes. I dislike EA to the point where I refuse to buy any of their games even though sometimes I think that if Bioware were a person I would hug them, but this is just painfully stupid.

Always-on DRM is bad, buying great companies and then laying off their talented people is bad, Day 1 DLCs are bad. But damn, people, get some perspective.

You know what’s worse than anything EA has done? How about a huge employer firing people who need expensive medication to fight cancer or refusing to hire full-time employees so they don’t have to give medical benefits, all while your executives have money fights? (Walmart) Or maybe illegally foreclosing on people’s homes, raising interest rates to absurd numbers without reason, and charging people $5 every time they want to access their own money in their own account? (Bank of America)

Oh wait — EA totally ruined SimCity, man.

People, if you don’t like EA, stop buying their games. (I suspect but cannot prove that a good number of the people who voted for them — 78% of the votes overall in fact — have bought an EA title this year.) And don’t ignore stuff that actually matters because stuff that matters (health, home) is scary and stuff that doesn’t actually matter (Day 1 DLC) is easy.

Dear EA,

You’re still super terrible about video game stuff. And please stop blaming homophobes every time you get shit from gamers. Way to stand by your decision to … treat LGBT people with basic human dignity, I guess. That doesn’t make Always-on DRM any more palatable.